Today is January 1st of 2021 but I am only writing now since I spent half of my last day of 2020 in bed. I wasn’t able to pick up my laptop and produce an energy to go back and reflect what has happened this year.
Like all days and years, 2020 has taught me a lot. But on a more personal note, 2020 was a weak for me. At the same time, I was weak too. Not really at my weakest but I would say that I wasn’t as aggressive, as assertive, as strong, compared to all the previous years that gone by.
With whole honesty, this was the year that I tamed myself down. I used to have this strong aura/ personality initially but I think I lost that too. It wasn’t me anymore. I was weak, afraid to commit mistakes and be judged. I was shy, I was faking my happiness, I was scared to be lonely again.
The ECQ started some time in March and I resigned from my job last April. It was my first job. I landed at a company that I used to admire. I do admire them somehow until now. But I took all my guts and leave. Leaving my first ever job was very personal for me. A lot of tears shed during the act of the actual resignation. I woke up one day and I just broke down. Of course I was afraid how will be able to earn knowing that there is a pandemic happening. But only a few days after I resigned, I already got hired again. I was unemployed for 6 days. Only. And that is a small victory.
This event taught me that there are things that you have to let go if it’s no longer serving you happiness. Growth is important, career matters, but you can’t face your work every single day with a heavy heart inside. Specially with all the personal things going on.
After some time, I finished my contract in my second job and jump onto the third one which is my current work. Career wise, I realize that building your career takes time. It’s not gonna happen overnight or even within a year. You’re not gonna earn so much initially. I think it’s really hard to earn from something that you love. Not everyone is gifted that.
This was also the year when I started my podcast but I wasn’t consistent with it. I’m still struggling with my tone and what do I wanna talk about. So I kinda paused from it but I promised I will continue doing it in 2021.
One of my biggest wins this year was starting dayanginsatin. My website. My safe space. This has been a dream since I was young. And I’m so glad I finally took a shot and made it come true.
There wasn’t so much for me this year. But I’m still grateful. It wasn’t the best. But I survived. Maybe that’s enough for now.
Cheers to 2021!